Introduction
Adlerian psychology, known for its message of “You can change your life,” has gained widespread attention through the bestseller The Courage to Be Disliked. As someone who once struggled with self-esteem, people-pleasing, and a desire for external validation, I found Adlerian psychology to be a major turning point. In this article, I’ll introduce the core ideas of Adler’s theories in plain English, using examples from daily life and my own experience.
What is Adlerian Psychology?
Developed by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, Adlerian psychology (officially called Individual Psychology) is based on the idea that all people strive for significance and belonging. Unlike Freud, who emphasized childhood trauma and the unconscious mind, Adler focused on goals, purpose, and social connectedness.
At its core, Adlerian psychology encourages us to take ownership of our lives, regardless of our past, and to live with courage and empathy.
5 Basic Principles of Adlerian Psychology
- Teleology (Purpose-Driven Behavior)
People do not merely react to past events; instead, they act based on future goals. For example, someone who avoids social gatherings might not be shy because of past trauma but because they want to avoid judgment or failure. - Creativity and Subjectivity
Each person creates their own way of interpreting the world. Even if two people face the same setback, one may use it to grow while another might use it as an excuse to give up. - Holism
We are not divided into mind and body or thoughts and emotions. A person must be understood as a whole. - Social Embeddedness
All problems are, in essence, interpersonal relationship problems. How we perceive ourselves is strongly influenced by how we relate to others. - Fictional Finalism
We act as if our beliefs about the world are true, even if they are not. For example, someone who believes “I’m worthless” may act in ways that reinforce that belief, even if it’s not objectively true.
How Adler’s Ideas Changed My Thinking
Before learning about Adler, I often found myself driven by the need to be liked. I would say yes even when I wanted to say no. I feared rejection and believed that my worth was defined by others. Reading The Courage to Be Disliked helped me realize that:
- You don’t need to be liked by everyone.
- You can choose how you respond to situations.
- Your life is yours to live.
This shift allowed me to focus more on what I want rather than how I’m seen.
Key Concepts from The Courage to Be Disliked
- Separation of Tasks
We must distinguish between what is our task and what is someone else’s. For instance, making someone happy is not our task. How they feel is their own responsibility. - Encouragement Over Praise
Adlerian psychology promotes encouragement (supporting someone’s efforts) rather than praise (judging someone as good or bad). For example, instead of saying “You’re smart,” say “You worked hard.” - Community Feeling (Gemeinschaftsgefühl)
The idea that a truly healthy person lives with a sense of belonging to the larger community and acts for the greater good. - Lifestyle Analysis
Understanding a person’s unique way of striving for significance. Why do they choose certain behaviors? What beliefs drive them?
Life Tasks According to Adler
Adler identified 3 main life tasks:
- Work – Your contribution to society.
- Friendship – Your ability to connect with others without expectations.
- Love – Deep, lasting bonds where mutual trust and commitment exist.
These tasks are challenges we all face. Difficulties in life often come from an imbalance or avoidance of these tasks.
Adler and Inferiority
One of Adler’s most well-known ideas is the inferiority complex. It refers to how we feel “less than” others and how we compensate for it. Feeling inferior is not a bad thing in itself—it can motivate us. The problem arises when we let those feelings dominate us.
Adler distinguished:
- Organ Inferiority – Physical weaknesses (e.g., poor vision).
- Inferiority Feelings – Subjective feelings of not being enough.
- Inferiority Complex – When those feelings stop us from trying.
In my case, I used to feel “I’m not as smart as others,” and avoided challenging tasks. But once I understood that this belief was a choice, I began confronting it with action instead of avoidance.
The Role of Courage
Adler emphasized courage – the courage to be normal, to fail, to be disliked, and still live authentically. This courage is not something innate. It can be developed. Just like learning to ride a bicycle, we learn courage by acting with courage, even in small ways.
When I first began saying “no” to unreasonable requests, I was terrified. But I slowly realized that I didn’t lose respect – in fact, people began valuing my honesty more.
Application in Daily Life
- Parenting: Encourage effort, not results. Let children learn from their own tasks.
- Workplace: Avoid micromanaging. Respect autonomy.
- Friendships: Be present, not performative.
- Self-Talk: Notice when you’re reinforcing negative beliefs and ask, “Is this really true?”
Final Thoughts
Adlerian psychology doesn’t offer quick fixes. It asks us to confront ourselves, to take ownership of our choices, and to step forward with courage. But once you embrace this way of thinking, the world feels less threatening and more full of possibilities.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in life, or like you’re constantly chasing validation, Adler’s ideas—and The Courage to Be Disliked—might just offer you a new path forward. Not a perfect one, but a real one.
You don’t need to change the past. You only need the courage to change your present.
Recommended Reading
The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness (Kindle Edition)
by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
This international bestseller has sold over 10 million copies worldwide and has become a TikTok sensation. It offers a transformative and practical guide to personal happiness, based on the psychological theories of Alfred Adler. Written as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, it explores how to free yourself from the burdens of the past and societal expectations to live a truly fulfilling life.
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